It’s February…that month where we’re all expected to be happily coupled up, planning passionate getaways and celebrating how fantastic our relationships are. It’s the month of LOVE.
But the reality is we’re not all in perfect relationships, many of us are stressed out, relationships are rocky and life feels far too busy to address it all.
Well this year, lets re-evaluate February’s meaning of ‘love’ and shift the focus to ‘self love’. And no, this doesn’t mean self-obsession or walking around like you’re better than everybody, it means self appreciation and it screams self respect.
It’s time to slow down, take a step back and start looking out for number one.
Is your relationship healthy? Is it nourishing your life? Does it needs some work?…or simply just a little more attention?
We’re so wrapped up in the business of the modern world we can often be neglecting the most important things in our life. It’s time to check-in and work out what’s right for you…
1) Are you bored?
Now this question isn’t necessarily asking ‘Are you bored within your relationship?’ Try and think about how you’re feeling with regards to your life and your purpose.
Feeling bored in these areas could be the problem and you’re simply looking at your relationship as the cause.
Ask yourself – What have your dreams been for yourself? And has anything held you back you from achieving these? Immersing yourself in something you’re enthusiastic about outside of your relationship, may give you a lust for life that reignites the passion between you and your partner.
2) Express yourself.
They key to a good relationship is good communication. Where you talk about issues, work them out, and tell the truth. It’s about being open, honest and not being afraid to show your vulnerability with the overall aim of getting the relationship to a better place.
It may feel daunting if this is usually the route to arguments but if you focus on explaining how you feel rather than throwing out accusations, the conversation will most likely be received positively.
Try saying “I often feel overwhelmed and upset when….” rather than “You always do this…” or “You never do this…”
3) Understand what you want and what you need.
All of our tantrums and bursts of anger are really a mask for our fears. When we’re arguing or accusing, what we’re actually asking is “Do you really love me?” / “Do I feel safe here?”
Our different upbringings mean we carry different behaviours through to our adulthood. Fear of abandonment can cause us to get angry and lash out…this may mean that one person needs a phone-call when their partner’s going to be late home, the other may not need the same reassurance.
By understanding what you want and what you need, you’ll better understand the strengths and fault lines in your adult relationships.
With children, financial worries and demanding jobs it can be easy to forget the early stages of your relationship. Take some time out to reminisce about what it was like in the beginning of your relationship.
What did you and your partner used to laugh about? What little things did they do that made you want to stay with them? Sit with your emotions and observe how these questions make you feel.